John Madden

-The Creation story-
First there was stars, then there were clouds, the fish, the sea, Tom Brady, and football. Many religions state that a single entity named God created our entire universe as we know it. But as funky as that smells, it's not true at all. God was a proxy made by our true Overlord, John Madden. Nobody actually knew of John Madden's existence, until a brave soul, Spaceman Steve, ventured to the stars and to the moon to officially discover our creator, John Madden.

The Third Impact
If these walls could talk, then they would say exactly what John Madden intended for our world's creation. One day on the dark side of the moon, John Madden was bored, and I mean REALLY bored. So he asked Spaceman Steve where he was from. Baffled by this odd question, Spaceman Steve pointed toward Centuri Alpha (that's Earth by the way). So John Madden gathered the biggest clap of his being and presumed to YEET the unsuspecting planet. His clap was so hard that it's atomic space dark matter waves disrupted the planet's ethereal existence causing what historian's today can only call, The Third Impact. And so as the entire planet came tumbling down, everything returned to nothing. The planet cooled down and was an empty husk. John Madden asked Spaceman Steve what he wanted to name this new planet. They named it, Earth.

The Celestial Sacred Scriptures
With the creation of our world finished within a measly day (probably less if we consider the IQ Overflow Theory), John Madden wanted the Earth and it's inhabitants to learn of their world and it's creator. Luckily, he had Spaceman Steve, he then commanded Spaceman Steve to record the world's happenings which will be known as The Celestial Sacred Scriptures. Spaceman Steve thus ventured forth to live out his knew life on Earth (More specifically, The Tang Town) and live as a cosmic DJ.